This is my humble response to the great Ramuji's blog entry where he lays the smackdown on all the critics that dared to ridicule his latest opus Sarkar Raj.

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The fact that the film releases and a group of critics out there with their only qualification being that they are employed by some newspaper or a TV channel say whatever they want to about the film without the Director getting a chance to give his point of view to, thankfully has come to end with the technology available now that enables one to reach the concerned audience directly.

Absolutely, Ramuji. You may aware, that some film-makers abroad have taken that initiiative even further, and hit back at their critics in a far more direct manner than could have been previously imagined - a wonderful example here.

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Khalid Mohammed has made such horrendous films like Fiza, Tehzeeb, Silsilay etc...what amazes me is that Khalid without an iota of guilt sits in judgment on other's films week after week. I would really like him to look at his own films before he starts reviewing anyone else's film.

Madam Deepa Gahlot has been going around with scripts to be made as films for years and most Producers get turned off in the first 10 minutes when she starts narrating...Incidentally she gave a very bad review to SATYA.

Abso-fucking-lutely right. Compared to the piles of shit that were Fiza and Tehzeeb, the films of David Dhawan, TLV Prasad and of course, Ram Gopal Varma, are like beacons of sensibility.

LOLZ at your Deepa Gahlot statement, although what connection you're trying to draw between her review of Satya and her own script is not clear, because Satya was sadly a real ASSatya, with a central character that nobody remembered coming out of the movie. Given that most of your audience also came out gleefully repeating the lines of Bhiku Mhatre while parading shirts with simulated bloodstain patterns, I doubt your attempt to convince them about the sordidness of the underworld had any impact whatsoever. On the contrary there is a greater likelihood of their having joined the underworld in droves, since in Satya, even the people who're not in the underworld have very screwed lives, only without the perks the gangsters enjoy.

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2. A hired assassin wears woolen gloves.
Ans: Why can't he?

True, it would be more appropriate if he were performing an assassination in Simla, but WTF. Hired assassins likely don't spend their leisure reading up on the latest fashion trends. If Karisma Kapur in Fiza can conveniently break out into a slinky nightclub number and Hrithik Roshan can perform bare-bodied martial arts on the beach in preparation for a sniper-rifle kill, Ramuji's hired assassins can surely wear wollen gloves or even fur coats if they damn well feel like it.

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Khalid Mohammed

3. Abhishek mistakes inflexibility, a dour gaze and dark business suit for intensity.
Ans; Can you please name 3 intense performances in Hindi cinema in the last 3 years of who you think was better than Abhishek?

In fact Abhishek's performance can be seen as a perfect compliment to that of Amitabh, whose definition of intensity for the Sarkar role is to act like he missed his daily supply of the Hajmola he so vigorously advertises.

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9. A prayer ceremony in the memory of Brando is suggested.
Ans: If that is a comment on Amitji's acting prowess I would dare you to get just one more person from the millions who loved both the Sarkar's to second you on this...let me also advice you not to fire off guns from on the shoulders of Hindustan Times review column to settle your personal scores.

Fine reply Ramuji, but don't you feel that you're giving him a too narrow field by insisting that he pick a person who somehow loved both the Sarkar's but not Amitabh's performance in the title role? It is hard to imagine at least the ignorant people of this country repeatedly patronizing your films to encourage their ear-twisting sound-design personnel or brilliant shot continuity assistants. It would also be more enlightening if you were to tell us exactly what personal score Khalid has with you. Did you refuse to fund a film of his or what?

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Deepa Gahlot

2. Only a juvenile person will admire a man who has no moral compass.

Ans: Nobody asked anybody to admire anyone. The film tells the story of one such man and in the same film there are others who don't believe in him.

The fact that all those others are dead by the time the film is over is of course a matter of pure coincidence.

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Subhash K. Jha

3. He drags the uneasy relationship between Subhas Nagre and his kicking, screaming and wailing son into an arena of heightened scenes no exacerbated emotions.

Ans: I am impressed with your English. I would be more impressed if I understood what it means.

Attaboy Ramuji, that's telling the man...in this case spank-man, Subhash Gay Jha. What is more puzzling is that his review has more praise than anything else for your film. Why then does he award it such low marks. Me thinks you must have refused sexual intercourse with him as a result of which he has determined to take your ass in every other way.