Alright, so the plan was that we’d get a few beers before the movie. Then one guy had to get stuck in traffic, so we’re waiting there for him, and there’s fifteen minutes for the movie to start. Finally, we got around to having one pitcher after all – in about half a minute.

Ok, now as far as superhero movies go, I’d just been zapped into a crisp by the absolutely phenomenal Ghost Rider a few months ago (read the review, bitches!), so I knew that it was going to take Sam Raimi, deep pockets or no, a hell of a lot to dethrone that pinnacle of cinema. Well, give the old boy credit – he tried. But at the end of the day, it turned out to be a real cocktease, and just wasn’t willing to go that extra step. Sam, watch and learn from …. whoever made Ghost Rider.

Now I can totally understand the need to show Spiderman as a vulnerable, emotional, snivelling pile of webby snot. We don’t go to superhero movies to watch carnage and destruction (I hang around at the street corner for that kind of action), we go to have those nagging questions answered. You know, the “What would Spiderman do if:” 

• He fell victim to hubris? (Smooch a random girl! Go Spidey!)

• He was caught kissing another chick in public by his girlfriend? (Propose marriage! Smooth operator, Spidey!)

• He was fired? (Make a cunning hairstyle adjustment! Doing your part, Spidey?)

• He was dumped by his girlfriend? (Boogie! Right on, Spidey!)

• He was double-crossed by his childhood buddy? (Start sulking! Haha, he got you there, Spidey!)

• His rent was overdue? (Snap! Angry Spidey!)

• He was haunted by flashbacks from the first two movies? (Offer thanks he’s not getting paid by the hour! That’s using your spider sense, Spidey!)