More spaceball shenanigans occur, in the form of some jiving tar from a meteorite which oddly enough, lands a few meters away from Spiderman without him noticing it. Spider sense taking a break, Spidey? Though since he was making out with MJ around then, he just may have mistaken it as the tingling of something else. But come on. MJ…ugh. The tar hitches a ride with Spidey and redecorates his outfit. Effeminate superhero and fashion consultant – throw in a ‘lived happily ever after’, and they could have wrapped up the movie there!

Alas, the outfit is bad, since it’s black and he’s probably close to crossing over into some other superhero’s trademark look. And worse, it gives him a pair of testicles – ye gads! From web swings to mood swings! That’s enough to send it packing into the cupboard. However, tragedy strikes at work when Eddie, a young whippersnapper better at photography and brown-nosing makes his move for Spidey’s day job.

In response to this affront, as well as the umbrage at MJ getting cozy with Harry again, he dons the jiving tar black suit and while walking down Times Square, his crotch starts gyrating at all manner of hot women. I was thinking, “Man, his crotch is totally going to become some sort of mojo magnet and get stuck to the nether regions of the next girl he meets! This is the best movie since Godzilla 2000!” But instead, he just started busting moves in the street. Which was alright, you know. Not ‘crotch magnet’ cool, but alright. By this time, I could fit my whole head into the popcorn box and eat hands-free.

Around here is THE pivotal moment of the movie. Don’t be fooled into thinking otherwise. No, not the scene where MJ rejects his marriage proposal. It’s when he’s on the phone with the doctor and he tells his neighbour, “Go get me some nuts.” Dude! Grow a pair of your own! What kind of guy tells a teenage girl to GET HIM SOME NUTS?! Bad Spidey! The poignance in this remark sums up the gist of the whole movie. Spiderman is constantly looking to the world to give him some balls, unaware that they grow from within. I’m too good.

Along the way, Spidey makes another enemy in his work rival Eddie by getting him fired from the paper. Shortly after, remarkable coincidence #714376 has Spidey extricating himself from the jiving tar and Eddie waiting several storeys below for the tar to land on him and turn him into Venom.